{"entry":{"id":"49d3403c-3f4a-4301-a6f5-9a38853c4c1b","path":"/leadership-talks/leading-through-the-expectations-gap","title":"LEADING THROUGH THE EXPECTATIONS GAP","version":1,"collection":"leadership-talks","collectionLabel":"Leadership Talks","date":"2026-08-04","author":"Alex DiMare","summary":"There's always a gap between when you ask someone to do something and when it actually gets done. The way you lead them through it is by doing the work yourself first, making sure the expectation is clear and both people agree on it, then checking in and helping along the way. When it's finished, celebrate them and talk about how it went, because that gap is where people actually grow.","topics":["Expecations","Relationships","Family","Friends"],"coverImage":"","body":[{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"We all actually live in this gap of expectations. Let me explain."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"After expectations are given, we all find ourselves in the gap.. I wish we didn't. I wish we could just constantly live in the success and wins of expectations being fully completed. Yet in friendships, marriages, your job, school, and even in church we all live in the gap… for the rest of our lives, I believe we will live in it."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"Even with our walk with God. For example, Here's how we're suppose to live out our faith. We constantly attempt to fully attain."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"So now, as leaders we have to attempt to lead people in the expectations gap. We're meant to show others how to live life and accomplish their callings living from that place."}]},{"type":"heading","depth":2,"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Lead By Example"}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"One of the most effective ways to lead people through this is to lead by example. It's one of the most important things we can do! Words are worthless when not accompanied by action. James 2:26 says - Faith without works is dead. This reveals that you could have the best intentions or even grand vision but if you don't put that into practice it's dead just like faith without works."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"King David revealed this when he lead with words but no action."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"2 Samuel 11:1 (NIV)"}]},{"type":"quote","children":[{"type":"text","text":"1In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, David sent Joab out with the king's men and the whole Israelite army. They destroyed the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained in Jerusalem."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"When you don't lead by example you:"}]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Lose validity and people don't want to follow you."}],[{"type":"text","text":"Opens the door to being sloppy (Sleeping with Bathsheba and killing her husband Uriah)"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Worst of all… It can lead to displeasing the Lord (1 Sam 11:27)"}]]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"So when you lead by example it now opens the door for you to begin to close the gap in your leadership of seeing the expectations become fully completed."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"Below are 12 very important realities that I have discovered in my decades of ministry that will enable you to make the gap as small and as effective as possible."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"To have true, maintainable, grounded and reasonable expectations they must be VALID:"}]},{"type":"heading","depth":2,"children":[{"type":"text","text":"4 Components Of Valid Expectations"}]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":1,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Realistic (achievable)"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Communicated (Spoken/written)"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Unwritten expectations will be the death of the organization/relationship"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":3,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Conscious (understood by both sides)"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"I have to know that you have it and you have to know that I have it"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":4,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Mutually agreed upon (make sure both sides are good"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"If it's not agreed upon then the expectation becomes a hope"}]]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"Once you give a valid expectation, you as the leader have to enact these steps to ensure that you are truly DELIGATING not abdicating or dominating."}]},{"type":"heading","depth":2,"children":[{"type":"text","text":"4 Action Steps In The Expectations Gap"}]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":1,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Spur On"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Build their faith"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Challenge them"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Encouragement in the journey."}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":2,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Follow up"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Remind (Written Expectations) (Shows importance)"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Keep timelines on point"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Be consistent (this is key to them following)"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":3,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Offer assistance"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Helps people to feel you're for them"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Solid principle: Don't ask people to do something you're not willing to do"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":4,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Readjust"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"as needed change or adapt the expectations to help them become achievable"}]]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"Often times when an expectation is completed, people will just move on to the next thing. That misses one of the most important part of being a champion of people. We have 4 steps still to do."}]},{"type":"heading","depth":2,"children":[{"type":"text","text":"4 Essentials To Do After Expectation Competition"}]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":1,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Reward what you want repeated"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Encourage the wins"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Celebrate their character and identity"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":2,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Debrief"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Don't just pass by. Walk through the process. Helps everyone grow."}],[{"type":"text","text":"Be truthful always (Passivity helps no-one)"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":true,"start":3,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Give more or less (Give them more projects or leadership dependent on performance)"}],[{"type":"text","text":"Be Present"}]]},{"type":"list","ordered":false,"items":[[{"type":"text","text":"Pastoral leadership over organizational leadership"}]]},{"type":"heading","depth":2,"children":[{"type":"text","text":"Conclusion"}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"Although we do complete expectations in our lifetime, the reality is, we will always be given more and most always be living in the gap. New job, weekly ministry, marriage, raising kids (Their ages change every year), and even in faith."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"text","text":"Don't reject the gap, embrace it. Allow the gap to keep you reliant on God and his grace every step of the way. As we all continue to do this we will all see fruit in our lives, in our families lives, in our friendships, and in the lives of those we lead."}]},{"type":"paragraph","children":[{"type":"strong","children":[{"type":"text","text":"This is how you LEAD THROUGH THE EXPECTATIONS GAP"}]}]}]}}